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How are you doing in life?

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Choice

1In this sea of existence
Our life is like a drop of falling water.
We can either merge quietly with the sea,
Or make a local, transient splash …
As humans, the choice is ours.

T V Ganesh, 6 Jul 2015

Studying from the Book of Life

Human life, insignificant? When we consider the average human life span, of 75 years, in the eternity of time, of 13.4 billion years, since the Universe was born; or if we look at this speck which we call Earth, in the immensity and vastness of space we will be inclined to look at our lives as merely insignificant. To some extent this is true.

But then we are here and we have a life to live and we better make our lives as significant as we can.  Here are some thoughts on how to lead a far more significant life. To lead a far more fruitful and fulfilling life we need to study from what I would like to call ‘The Book of Life’

The Book of Life:
The Book of life has 3 main sections. They are included below

1) Studying from one’s own life: This is the first section in this book. Poor or rich, wise or stupid all of us carry a wealth of experiences and personal knowledge. We really need to dive deep into our own lives. There are many gems of truth and knowledge we will find in the deep waters of our past lives.  The past is many ways is our compass to our future. We need to analyze our motives for our past actions. We must delve into our biases, our judgmental ideas ingrained deep in our minds. Can we justify these prejudices of ours?

We can learn more from looking into ourselves than by reading any book or listening to any sermon.

2) Studying from our social circle: There is a lot we can learn from immediate and larger social circle.  What makes them tick? What drives them? How do they handle problems?

What would you have done if you were in the situation that they are in? Would you have handled the situation differently? There are so many lessons that life offers us. We need to be observant and reflect.  If you have a role model in life try to see how they handle adversity. What are the qualities in their life that you admire? What makes them different from you? How can you emulate some of their virtues? This is the next section in this Book of Life.

3) Studying from the enlightened ones: This is the last but an important section. There is a lot we can learn from the wise sayings of Krishna, Buddha and Christ. These enlightened souls had an extraordinary insight into human nature. We need to reflect on the pithy sayings of these souls.  Here is a sample

Christ (Bible): Love they enemy
Judge not, lest ye be judged

Krishna (Gita): Do your duty without regard to the fruits thereof
A true yogi is one who is not affected by joy or sorrow

Buddha: Anger is like hot charcoal. It burns the hand that hold it.

There is an enormous amount of meaning and depth in each of these sayings. We can use them in different situations in our lives.

We need to really drink deeply from this Book of Life. There are many things that this book can teach us and help us lead a more fulfilling life.

3 essential dont’s in your life

To move ahead in life there are several ‘dos’ that we need to follow. In this post I would like to high light 3 essential don’ts that we need to adhere to in life.  Here they are

Don’t postpone distastefulness: In other words don’t procrastinate something because you dislike the particular task. Very often in life we have a problem starting a task which we hate. We try to avoid doing it. Eventually the task becomes inevitable or we run into a crisis situation which we could have avoided if we got on to performing the task. Personally I think putting off something that is distasteful only delays the event. Moreover you will have those nagging thoughts of the hateful task popping up every now and then in your mind. In my opinion the first thing that you should do is to get this task out of the way. We should try to finish off  should not just  the urgent tasks but also those that you truly hate doing. Once this is out of your way you can focus on other more important tasks

Don’t spoil a perfect present with imaginary fears: This is also something that we tend to do often. We worry about something that may happen in the future and completely spoil a perfect present. If you have no control on something that is yet to happen then I would suggest that you push the event to the bottom of the stack of things to keep in your mind. For all you know the fears may be unfounded and things may turn out well after all. You really cannot get back all those hours you lost sweating a probability. Quit worrying and enjoy the present.

Don’t assume outcomes without trying: This is another problem I see with several people. People assume that the worst will happen if they do something and simply avoid doing it. I have known people who conclude that they will not get any job based on their experience and don’t even bother to apply. How do you know if you will or will not be called for the interview without even trying? Maybe you are looking for a raise. Go ahead and ask your boss. Trusting ‘karma’ will take you nowhere. Certainly you will feel releived that you tried.

Maybe you  are having having romantic ideas about the ‘sweet little thing’ in your school or the ‘smart’ guy in your office. Don’t make assumptions about the other person’s thoughts.  It makes better sense to voice your thoughts rather than make assumptions. This is all too common is us humans.  We reach conclusions based on assumptions instead of facts. Personally, it is better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all. So don’t assume ask, try, do.

Conclusion: There are possibly umpteen other important don’ts in life. I would rate the ones above, pretty high on that list of the other dont’s.In each of 3 situations they help you in avoiding frittering away mental energy due  – i) to nagging thoughts when you procrastinate b) to unnecessary worry c) to wishful thinking or in unsubstantiated  despondency.

If you follow the 3 don’ts you should be able to travel much lighter through life!

Is virtue relative?

Is virtue relative? Is there an inherent merit in virtue?

Virtue like kindness, honesty, altruism etc are all relative. In my opinion, no virtue in an absolute sense, has any merit by itself. Merit or otherwise, can only be assessed in the context of the situation in which the act was performed. This may seem puzzling to you.

Here are my thoughts. Consider the following hypothetical situations

Let us say a friend or a relative did not a get a promotion and he comes to you with the news. You know this person fairly intimately. You may feel that this person is not outgoing enough or possibly does not network sufficiently. Will you empathize with him/her or will start lecturing to your friend on their shortcomings. Will you be brutally honest or lend a patient ear. In this case,  it may make sense to empathize initially and then possibly lay out the areas of improvement to your friend. We may need to be kind initially and later be tactfully honest.

Consider another situation. You friend or your son/daughter has flunked their exam. Will you berate them on their stupidity? Or will you be nice and accept this failure as a fact of life?

Personally I think it is more important to be kind that to be correct. Honesty is highly-overrated! Kindness, to me,  is a far more important virtue in comparison.

However in some situations it is necessary not to mince words and to lay the facts as they are. This sometimes has to be done, so that the person on receiving the input, is able to alter or correct their erroneous ways. If we have to reveal something unpleasant to another person,  it is important that we do it in such a  way, that it does not hurt the other person.

Intentionally causing emotional pain, when you think you are being honest, is completely unacceptable in my opinion.

In my book, anybody being brutally honest  is both stupid and insensitive.

Similarly kindness also makes sense only in certain situations. Some people are evil. They have no intention to change and reason does not work them. In these cases it makes sense to use force to eradicate this evil. A good example is the Mahabharat war where force was mandatory.

Do you have altruistic feelings which makes you  drop a few coins, every time, in the bowl of a beggar?  Should we or should we not encourage begging? Are we perpetuating begging by our behavior?  Should we be thinking on how to we make these people start to look for other avenues to make a living? These are all questions to consider.

In my opinion, no act by itself, can be virtuous or evil. We have to look at the context in its entirety. We will need to look at the long term effect of the act before it can be considered as a virtue or a vice.

My talk “You are not who you think you are…”

Listen to my talk – You are not who you think you are

My talk – Life sucks … Big time?

My short talk on “Life sucks … big time?